Tuesday, August 5, 2008

America Sees God As A Terrorist

It would be hilarious on it's face were the fact that the Douglas County, Nebraska District Court was set to hold a hearing on the case today. Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers is suing God in what he calls an attempt to show how frivolous lawsuits wind up clogging the court's calenders. It would have been funny almost a year ago when Chambers first filed his lawsuit, but then an Omaha court decided that the lawsuit had to go forward.

The hearing today actually is to either dismiss the suit for lack of serving the defendant with notice, or to allow the case to proceed to trial, because as Chambers claims, God is omnipresent, and should therefore have knowledge of the suit. Bolstering his argument even more is the mysterious appearance three days after the suit was filed of a response to the lawsuit found lying on the desk of the clerk of the court. Titled 'Special Appearance', the document states that since Chambers had not filed paperwork with Him, that God contends the lawsuit to be invalid and requests a summary judgement, with 'appropriate punishment to be meted out to Chambers at a later date.

Unswayed by the appearance of the 'Appearance' paper, Chambers has pressed his case against God for terroristic activities. Claiming that God is responsible for untold death, destruction, and suffering around the world, (Why didn't he sue Bush instead?), he wishes the court to set an injunction against God to cease and desist all activities that he may manifest in the form of hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, extreme thunderstorms, murders, car crashes, wars, etc. In other words, everything that goes wrong in the world.

In trying to have the suit dismissed due to lack of service, opponents have pointed out the lack of verifiable service of notice upon God, but as Senator Chambers points out, he's tried to contact God several times to effectuate service, alas to no avail. "Come out, come out, wherever you are" Chambers tested God, but the silence he says, has been deafening. Could it be that God has something to hide? Is this a tactic admission of guilt to the charges of terrorism? And if found guilty, where will God be imprisoned, and for how long? What monetary penalties should be charged for the murders of untold billions throughout history?

But as ludicrous as the proposition of suing God might seem to be, it may not be without precedent. A Romanian prisoner named M.Pavel, serving a 20 year sentence for murder sued God for not protecting him from the influences of the devil. He claims that God has broken His contract with Pavel, due to Pavel's baptism as a child supposed to guarantee a life free from the agents of evil. Since Pavel's life turned into a drunken, broken mess that ended in a murder, he feels that God should have to give him his money back, as it were, as well as punitive damages.

In Knoxville, Tennessee, a man worshiping God at the Lakewind Church is suing for $2.5 million dollars for pain and suffering, loss of income, and medical bills. While dancing up on the church stage like he usually does when possessed by the Spirit, he fell and landed on the floor. Having asked God to 'give him an experience', he got what he requested when God planted him on his derriere amidst a laughing out of control congregation, who found his pain and suffering very funny indeed. "How's that for an experience, thou good and faithful servant?!"

A Michigan man is suing God over two passages in the Bible that depict gays as sinners and says they will burn in the fiery pit. His suit contends that because of those passages, supposedly handed down by God, that he and other homosexuals the world over have suffered humiliation, beatings, murders, rapes, verbal abuse. Sounds like terroristic activity. Chertoff is NEVER around when the real deal is coming down.

In the aftermath of the Utah mine collapse that killed six miners while the entire country prayed for their safe return to their families, a Eugene, Oregon group called The Environmental Law Alliance Worldwide is pressing a lawsuit in federal court against the Creator for gross negligence in allowing the collapse to happen in the first place. The suit seeks $500 million dollars in order to release the Almighty from past misdeeds and negligent activities. In the suit itself alleging negligence, the group claims that the epoxy that God used to hold the earth together does not meet federally mandated guidelines, and therefore, God Himself is responsible for the mine collapse. God, once again, has ducked the suit, the notices to appear, and all attempts to contact Him.

And finally, a case in the U.K. that has somehow escaped the attention of our ever diligent fourth estate should expose the hoax being perpetrated in all it's glory. The Wachowski brothers of the film 'The Matrix' fame have sued God for copyright infringement by pointing out that parts of the Book of Revelations was stolen directly from the film. Declaring it unfair that the Almighty be able to zip back and forth through time and space, they also claim that's where he came up with the idea for the Bible verses. By watching 'The Matrix', then going back and telling John what to write. Not only that they contend, but God has used this dirty trick to run back and forth throughout history and revise the Good Book according to the standards of the day. When they approached Church officials for comment, the priests all ran away. What are they trying to hide?

So, on face value, it would seem that Senator Chambers is wasting the time of the courts. not so, if one takes in all of the other cases that have been filed against God, the accusations, the claims by his very churches around the globe that God is responsible for mankind's calamities. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell claimed that the 9/11 tragedy was the result of God's wrath, and that makes God a terrorist according to Homeland Security. As a taxpayer, I want to know what our government is doing to stop this madness before God decides to end the lawsuits with a meteor strike that wipes us all out. Demand that Congress enact legislation, (when they get back from yet another month long vacation), to make it a crime for God to kill people anywhere in America, and force the U.N. to place economic sanctions if these activities continue............You may now call me all the names you wish...........................

1 comment:

Seven Star Hand said...

Hello VW,

Want a surprising and timely follow-up to Ernie Chambers suit against "God," in the 11th District? This will surprise you more than you might think. Perhaps his suit should be directed to religious leaders and human ignorance instead. Follow the urls below:

Open Letter to Religious Leaders
Open Letter to Atheists and Skeptics